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Porn Family Coverage by Raeann

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This just in-there appears to be a commotion down at the old coastal cave of Santa Carla this evening. A vociferous group of what is being described as "sexed up" young women is wreaking havoc on the small seaside cliff. And it all stems from what is being called an "OP reunion", whatever that is.

I've spoken with several residents in the area and they seemed both fearful and curious about the inhabitants of the cave. (A cave which once housed the former Sanguine Hotel back in the late 1800s). One young man describes the females as "dangerous, paranoid, dorky, crazy, and sexed up."

Another is quoted as saying "They're animals man! F***ing crazy! Don't go near 'em!" This "surf Nazi" was tending to a wound in his mohawked head and was rushed to Mercy is For the Weak Hospital in downtown Santa Carla.

A little history on the OPs. There are three sisters and five cousins. They only come out at night, have a large pet dog and pet rays, and play games like "pool" and "Pac Man" and "Hide the Surf Nazi". I have just received this information-there were missing sisters. Ah! OP is "of porn".

Two young women were seen entering the cave this month, one dragging a blond man with her and affectionately calling him her "widdle Spikey". The other, while giving the impression of being harmless, launched into a fist fight with a man twice her size, when he made a disparaging remark about one of her cousins, a woman named Frosty. The others appeared at the cave entrance and embraced this woman, named Tracy, or "She Who Walks Backwards" and then proceeded to take turns kicking the man in the kidneys and, erm, other delicate areas.

"No one defames my cousin and gets away with it," she spoke quietly in a south England accent. There are also men living with them; an infamous group around these parts known as the "Lost Boys". Yet these women are the ones the citizens fear, as they are attractive and strong, and the other women think that's "just not, like, fair!" As one Raeann Aroo stated "Too damn bad."

We'll have more of this story as it develops.
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