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The Secret Diaries of The Lost Boys by Sarah

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Author's Chapter Notes:
Title: The Secret Diaries of The Lost Boys
Author: Sarah the Stalky One
Rating: PG for mild swearing
Summary: Sarcastic journal entries for the vampires in the film. Do not expect this to be intelligent or angsty. This are superficial parodies. Fun and no brains. Inspired by Cassandra Claire’s Very Secret Diaries (LotR).
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Lost Boys belong to the WB (lucky, lucky, lucky!) not me. I’m making no profit from this story.
Acknowledgments: Cassandra Claire (author of the Lord of the Rings Secret Diaries) came up with the concept, she doesn’t even know I exist, but I for one salute her.
Feedback: Again with the yes. Please send whatever you think, good, bad, whatever, I don’t care.

Star’s Secret Diary


Am beginning to think that David is not nice. Aside from making me drink blood he told me that curly hair would suit me far more than straight and proceeded to electrocute me.


Hope big hair is in at the moment.


David definitely not nice. He has changed his mind about my hair but we can’t seem to reverse the effect.

He has now broken up with me.

On the plus side, has given me a silent seven year old for company.

Again, hrmm.

Damn! Hair on fire. Damn. Knew that all that hairspray was not a good idea.


It’s official. Big hair is in. Went to the Boardwalk with David and the Lost Boys and made eyes at a guy who has the same hairstyle as me, come to think of it, so has Marko – same hairstyle, that is, not making eyes at big haired boy. Hope Marko wasn’t making eyes at him. Am far prettier. And I have same colour hair.

It’s fate.

And perfect timing. V. bored with only silent seven year old to talk to.


Am beginning to think David has an obsession with curly hair. On seeing Michael he has decided to initiate him into the gang. Have mixed feelings about this. Have suggested we get a redhead for variety. Paul seconded the motion, but there were no other takers.


Michael (he of big hair) v. pissed off about the vampire thing. Managed to calm him down with a bit of nooky. V. annoyed, just want casual fling with similar-haired boy (v. useful for hair care tips), and he wants to talk vampires.



Had big fat fight with David about hair. He made several nasty comments. Insinuated a bigger cave would be needed if my hair got any frizzier. Told him he was just jealous of my hair. In 10 years he would look back on his mullet cut and cringe.

David pointed out that as a vampire there would be no photographic evidence of mullet cut.


Went for a quick fly around Santa Carla. Dropped by Michael’s brother’s bedroom window. Michael’s brother not down with vamps either. Still pissed off with David, so arranged to have him killed.

That will teach him for doling out hair advice.


Michael beyond pissed off about vampire thing. Have now been taken out of cave (thank god, salty air making hair frizz) and am at Michael’s house. Am planning on a nice long snooze while Michael, his brother and the two stoic twits kill the boys.


Ok, so snooze didn’t go as planned. Gory death to all Lost Boys and v. ugly head vampire.

Hair is still curly. Evil never dies.

In other news: Stoic seven year old spoke for first time. Said my name twice.

All in all, eventful day.

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