The Lost Cave :: A Lost Boys Fansite

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Reviews For A New Beginning
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Reviewer: Blah Anonymous starstarhalf star [Report This]
Date: 03 Oct 2008 7:24 pm Title: Part 1

Viper is right,its well written but very Mary Sue 'ish

Reviewer: Logan Anonymous starstarstarstarhalf star [Report This]
Date: 09 Dec 2007 4:13 pm Title: Part 1

Great story!!! How did Star and Michael get killed?! And will Sam and the frog brothers come back?

Reviewer: x X x Steph x X x Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 06 Nov 2006 8:44 pm Title: Part 4

OMG! I am so in love with Alex Winter ( especially Marko tho) and that story was gr8! I loved reading it i refused to turn the computer off! Write some more, i'd love 2 hear what happens to them in the end darlin! luvya lots! ur writin is fabby! Love x x x steph x x x x

Reviewer: crimsonnailpolish Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 14 Oct 2006 1:04 pm Title: Part 4

Love it

Janie

Reviewer: Cheri Anonymous starstarstar [Report This]
Date: 13 Feb 2005 11:33 pm Title: Part 2

Hey, Just really read this and I think it's good. I'm not the best around. And you know what you are a awesome author, with great talent. So don't let anyone tell you diffrent. HMMMMMMMMMMMM that said we could all improve on everything we do, that is part of living improving. I need Lot's of it. I do this for fun and I think you doo too...just wanted to throw my two cents in there. Have fun and write more

Reviewer: Kellcool Signed starstarstarhalf star [Report This]
Date: 20 Jan 2005 1:18 pm Title: Part 1

i like this story,well i like any story with Marko in it. dont worry about vipers mary-sue comment, my story has a mary-sue in it too, but it doesn't mean that they aren't good. i really liked this story and i hope you do more of them, but do try and polish your storys up a bit. good luck to you! :)

Reviewer: Viper Signed starstarhalf star [Report This]
Date: 14 Jan 2005 7:51 pm Title: Part 2

Okay, I've only got as far as the second chapter, but because there's a lot I have to say already, I figure it's better if I stop now. This is a well written story- formatting, spelling and grammar wise. Therefore it seems a shame that you're spoiling it with some of the content. To begin with, this is a Mary Sue. If you don't know who she is, I suggest you go to any number of sites on the net that help aspiring fanfic writers. Both Amy and Caleb are Mary Sues- they are beautiful and instantly adored by a pack of brutal killers. Caleb also has a funny name, a beautiful singing voice, and blames herself for her father's disappearance. All of these are traits of a Mary Sue. Don't describe muscles. Muscles don't really make any difference in the film- both Marko and David are skinny little punks. This is an AU- you should label it as such. Marko wasn't staked wrongly. To say he was in such an off hand manner is a bit of an insult to the film. Why does Marko talk like Spike from BTVS? Why doesn't he just eat her, rather than turning into Oprah and stopping her from throwing herself off a cliff? Don't put an exclamation point after "he could even see through steel". It makes the line sound childish- like "Gee wilikers, Batman! You can see through steel!" Suddenly the story is about Amy. Now there's nothing wrong with having two original characters in the story, but a lot of the time the action doesn't happen organically- things just happen. We learn about Amy's whole history in the first paragraph of her intro, and then suddenly she's just in a house. David doesn't talk like David. And I accept that it is appallingly hard to get his character right, since he says about three words in the whole movie, but I think that's a good starting point in itself. He doesn't say much, he's sly, and he likes a good practical joke. He wouldn't say something like: "This is bullshit!" He seems about a thousand years old (though I'm guessing he's about forty), and wouldn't speak like a petulant child. I like the idea of David reading Playboy upside down, but remember- the cave is pitch black. Sam needed a torch to see, and they almost missed the boys in the darkness. Why is the father just in the video shop? Inorganic, again. If it were my father, I'd go the ends of the earth to find him. She doesn't even check out the boardwalk? Or am I missing something? I would advise against crossovers. Particularly with something like L.J. Smith's stuff. The two worlds just don't mix. Marko. Crying. Please, please- try to remember that they are evil brutal killers. It's bad enough that they just took her in like some long lost friend, but do they REALLY seem like the type of people to cry? In my fanfic, David doesn't even cry when...well. You'll have to wait and read my crappy story. And then tear it apart. Because I don't mind if you want to- writers only learn through constructive criticism, which is what I've tried to do here. I hope none of this disheartens you, and that if you have any questions at all, you'll ask me. That's what I'm here for. You have loads of potential, and I hope you realise it. Good luck, bub

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