A Moonlight Tale

Discoveries

Discoveries

Luna made herself finish the rest of the closet before she settled down with her mother’s journals. She just knew if she started reading she would lose track of time and not finish anything.

She dragged the box containing the journals into her room and began to sort them chronologically. She found the earliest journal was about to open it, but she stopped herself.

She was hungry. For the first time in two weeks, she was hungry. She ran downstairs and fixed herself a snack, making sure it was light and wouldn’t upset her stomach. She reached for the coke, but stopped herself. Her Mom always prescribed milk when she had a bad stomach.

She went back upstairs and settled herself comfortably on the bed; she was determined to read as much as she could. She opened the first journal, and a couple of photos fell out.

At first she thought it was Laddie, but on closer inspection she realised this kid was younger, and his eyes were a different colour. She felt sad and didn’t understand why. She didn’t know this kid, but there was something haunting in his eyes.

She flipped it over and read the words on the back ‘Nick, sixth birthday’ written in her mother’s looping script.

God, that was his sixth birthday? She thought. How come he looks so sad?

The other two photos showed her mother standing with Nick. They were both smiling for the camera, but the smile didn’t reach their eyes.

She turned the first page, wanting to know more about her mother and this sad child.

Wednesday 20th May 1987

Another night on PPD. I hate it. The only plus is, I made enough tonight to cover rent, so I won’t have to go out tomorrow. I hate it. But I don’t have a choice. It’s this or live off air.

What the hell is PPD? Luna wondered.

I had another dream about Nick. He was lying at the bottom of the stairs, like always, and he looked up at me with dead eyes, and said, “It’s your fault. You should’ve protected me.”

And I went to him, trying to stop the bleeding, knowing it was too late. He glared at me again. “It’s too late now. You could’ve saved me. You should’ve saved me.”

At that point I woke up. I know he’s right. If only I’d dared speak, but I was scared too. I should have been able to save my brother.

Luna didn’t like what she was reading so far. Her Mom and Dad had always told her that Mom was an orphan and an only child.

Monday 25th May 1987

I haven’t written for awhile, I’ve been too tired. When I’m not working, I’m sleeping, but the nightmares have been putting me off sleeping, so I’ve been working twice as much.

I don’t know what’s worse, the guilt of my ‘job’ or the guilt my nightmares bring.

I sometimes don’t know if I’m awake or asleep. I saw a kid last night, on my way to work, that looked so like Nick it nearly broke my heart. I couldn’t stop staring at him, and he tugged on his Mom’s skirt and said, “Mommy, why’s that lady looking at me?”

She glared at me and said, “That’s no lady. Ignore her, she’s worthless.”

It hurt so much, because he looked so like Nick, and it was like it was some higher power’s way of telling me that I’d failed. And that Nick could never forgive me from not saving him from our parents.

I thought about ringing home, the cops, not my parents, and telling them everything, the beatings, the abuse, the harsh words. But what’s the point? It’s too late, I can’t save him now, and I don’t want my father knowing where I am.

Luna’s eyes were full of tears, no wonder her mother didn’t like to talk about her life before she met Michael. Imagine the guilt she must have felt over her brother’s death.

Thursday 28th May 1987

I met someone, but I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. I was crying on the street, memories came flooding up unexpected. That’s the worst, when you think you’re having an ok day, and they bubble up out of the blue.

Anyway, D introduced himself to me and asked if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorbike. I was very tempted. I know, I know, he could be a murderer or a rapist, or any other kind of psycho. But he was so kind to me. It’s pretty sad, when your day is so bad that a kind word from a stranger can brighten it up.

He offered to be my friend. And after coming home alone, as I have done for the past two months, a friend sounds pretty good to me, and I kind of regret saying no to that bike ride.

Even if he is a nutcase, so what? What have I got to live for, and who would miss me if I died?

I would, Mom. I miss you now. Luna thought. She wondered who this mysterious ‘D’ was. She hadn’t known it before today, but she had the same trait as her mother. She referred to everyone in her diary by their initial, just in case someone else read it.

Friday 29th May 1987

He came back! D came back and met me. I didn’t expect him to, but I’m glad he did. He didn’t seem to mind what I did to make a living. He offered that bike ride again, and this time I took it. Ok, so I’ve got to dodge Bill, the landlord, for awhile, until I can make the money up, but it was worth it.

Riding on the back of a motorbike is so exciting. D is a wonderful driver, very fast, not a risk taker, but a thrill seeker. I wonder perhaps if the thrill had something to do with D. He’s got these eyes that seem to see right through all the walls you put up, right inside you.

Or is that just the type of stuff girls always write when they might be interested in someone?

Anyway, he took me to the top of a cliff and the view was amazing. He said it was where he came to clear his head, his place to think. I could see the whole of Santa Carla, and the sight of the ocean with the moonlight glinting off was incredible. I don’t know what exactly thrilled me the most, the view, the ride, the company, or all of the above.

I’ve been numb for so long, it’s nice to know I’m still alive.

Santa Carla, she’d heard of the town many times. It was where her folks first met. It was where Uncle Sam met Edgar and Alan, but they didn’t stay there long. Did ‘D’ have something to do with it?

Luna was also getting a vague idea what her mother did for a living. She didn’t get the PPD, but she got the gist of it. Her mother’s shame about it. She didn’t want to dwell on it.

Saturday 30th May 1987

Again I met D. We had a wonderful time. He took me to a restaurant, I only had eight cents in my pocket, so I tried to put him off, despite the fact I’m starving. I’ve had a packet of Doritos and a can of Pepsi in the last three days.

D wouldn’t take any money off me for taking me out. He said that ‘my company was payment enough’. Which I thought was very sweet of him. It’s so nice to feel full of food.

Halfway through dinner, he asked what I was running away from. I couldn’t tell him right then and there, it was too public, I didn’t want to embarrass him by making a scene, so I said “Will you take me to your cliff?” He understood right away, and changed the subject. Have I mentioned how charming his manners are?

When we got up there, I told him everything about Nick. I told him about how it all started, my dreams, my parents, everything.

And then I fell apart. It was so good to let everything out after so long of bottling it up. He just held me and told me it wasn’t my fault. I felt something I haven’t felt in a long time, not love, something even more important to me, I felt safe.

He brought me home, some time later, and I asked him in. He said he didn’t think either of us was ready. I think I would have been offended if anyone but D had said it. I would have taken it to mean a nice way of saying ‘no way. I don’t want damaged goods.’ But D, he always says the right things. And I wasn’t ready, Nick was too heavily on my mind, I only really asked him in because… Well, if he really wanted to, you know, it would have been a nice way to thank him for his friendship.

I think he knew this, and that’s why he said no.

No matter where I go from here, I’ll never forget what D has done for me.

Luna tried to think of any of her parents’ friends whose name began with a D. All she could come up with was Desmond. A crazy British guy her Dad worked with. And they’d only met him a couple of years ago, when he first came out to the States. He couldn’t have met her mother in 1987. Besides he was about five years younger than her Mom, who was seventeen in 1987, she couldn’t have been swept off her feet by a twelve year old.

The only people she knew with the surname beginning with D were the Denton family, and she’d met them through her school.

And besides, if this ‘D’ was as special as her Mom obviously thought he was, wouldn’t he be an honorary uncle too, like the Frog brothers?


Second owner of the site, after Sammy handed it over. Lost Boys fan since the early 90s, owned this site since 2001. A bit nerdy. Fan of Marko. Wish I owned Star's skirt.